I am puke
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
