I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
