guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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