Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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