i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
