Where is the hickey?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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