Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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