who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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