I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
