i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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