Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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