did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
