i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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