I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
