you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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