so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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