if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
