brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
