I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
