Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
