Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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