those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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