Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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