Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My cat gives me a boner
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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