According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
