Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
