i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
