We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
