I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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