Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
