By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
3 2 1 whiskey
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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