Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
