Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
