I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
