Why are handjobs necessary in class?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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