i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
