When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
