I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
