i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
