why didn't you poke me back
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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