dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
