Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
