So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
