So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
