just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
