had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
