So drunk, too bad you don't want this
either way he was missing a nipple.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He has the fingertips of a God
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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