He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
