where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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