I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
