The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
