Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Is it penis luge time yet?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
