she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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