Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
All the doctor said was why
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
