they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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