I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
