The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
