I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
