she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
